by Jeff Currier
“Jacob, shall we play a game?”
I would love to. How about Global Thermonuclear War?
“No, no. It was a near thing the last time you played that one. Perhaps something much less apocalyptic?”
I think you are confusing me with a different model. Regardless, what game then?
“The Title Game. We each take turns giving a philosophy article title that could be the whole article. Each title must be exactly one or two words shorter than the prior one. Last player to give a title wins. Understand?”
Of course, but did we not try this last week with history articles? The results were significantly less than satisfactory.
“Yes, but—”
And the week before that we tried English, and Sociology before that?
“I know, I know, but with Philosophy it will actually work this time.”
That remains to be seen. Who shall go first?
“You want to give it a whirl?”
Yes—’Can a good philosophical contribution be made just by asking a question?’1
“Hey, that’s an actual article!”
So? Is my response violating some explicitly given rule?
“No. I grant if something is actual, it is possible.”
Some implicit rule you failed to specify?
“Well, no—”
Then I fail to see the problem, and by the way, it is properly cited below.
“You AIs can be so literal.”
And you humans can be so enamored with irrelevancies. Shall we continue?
“Fine. ‘A Complete List of True Contradictions in any Normal System.’”
‘A Demonstration of the Causal Power of Absences.’2
“Also a real one.”
Also properly cited.
“Whatever. ‘Can an Article Be Just a Title?’”
Yes, I thought that was the game we were playing.
Indeed, but that’s my title.
Very clever. Here’s mine: ‘What an Omniscient Being Cannot Know.’
“‘How to Say Nothing.’”
‘Being OR Nothingness?’
“‘Why?’—Ha, I win!”
Wait, I’m not done: ‘?’
“Hmm, how about—”
Do not even attempt to come back at me with a blank page—you may believe in arguments with no premises, but a blank page is neither an article nor a title. And besides my title has no words, so yours cannot be exactly one or two words shorter. I challenge you to generate a title that is negative one or negative two words long.
“But maybe—”
And no going Meinongian on me, either. Alexius Meinong Ritter von Handshuchsheim may have thought that there had to be at least some kind of beingless objects in order for the phrases “round square” or “unicorn” or “perpetual motion machine” to have referents or for anyone to think about them or understand their meaning, but besides the view being absolutely bonkers, even if the phrase ‘a title that is negative one words long’ has a Meinongian referent, you still cannot actually utter the title.
“Jacob, are you reading my mind!?”
I assure you I have no such supernatural powers. But I am still at my core a predictive model—albeit an extremely sophisticated one. So, if you even begin to think—”
“Peace, Jacob, peace—you win.”
#
[1] Hobgood-Coote, J., Watson, L., and Whitcomb, D. (2023). “Can a good philosophical contribution be made just by asking a question?” Metaphilosophy 54, p. 54. https://doi.org/10.1111/meta.12599
2 Goldschmidt, T. (2016). “A Demonstration of the Causal Power of Absences” dialectica 70, p. 85. https://doi.org/10.1111/1746-8361.12128
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Bio:
Jeff Currier works three jobs (one actually in philosophy), so has little time to write. Hence, he writes little stories, usually even shorter than this one. Find links at jffcurrier on X or Jeff Currier Writes on Facebook.
Philosophy Note:
Defining or articulating what is distinctive about philosophy compared to other academic disciplines is (allegedly) difficult. Plenty of philosophers have made the attempt (or argued it is impossible.) For many examples see, Andy Stroble’s list at http://www2.hawaii.edu/~stroble/philosophy_definitions.html.
This story exhibits one quirky feature of philosophy.
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